We’ve given you great first date ideas, essential first date tips, and even tips for first date conversation, but even after reading up, what if your first date isn’t going as planned? Anything could happen on a first date, but here are four signs your first date should be your last.
- They checked someone else out. – Did she stare when that hot guy walked by? Did you see your date checking out that short skirt? There is a difference between people watching and ogling, so be sure it’s the latter before you write your date off. Ogling others while on a date is not acceptable. I mean, unless they’re checking you out! Your date should be respecting you.
- They’re rude to the waitstaff. – If your date is rude to the waitstaff, cab driver, bartender or anyone else that serves you while on the date, consider this date the last. Now, there are exceptions when employees are snappy or rude first-off, but even then, how your date reacts will show their true colors. If your date is rude for no reason, well then, you’ve got a problem. Even if your waiter put in an incorrect order, or if the bar service is slow, there’s no need for insults or disrespect. Just think: If your date is rude to others, it’s fair to assume that they’ll do the same to you at some point.
- They get drunk. – Many first dates include a few drinks — a glass of wine with dinner, or a few cocktails post-dancing. But, if your date ends up noticeably tipsy, even drunk, that’s a red flag. There’s an underlying problem, whether your date just doesn’t know his or her limits, or whatever the reason, watch out. Sometimes folks can get carried away, so try to limit yourself to 2 drinks and keep an eye out for your date’s intake. Also, keep a designated driver in mind. If they’re your ride home, and they’ve been drinking, call a cab!
- You’re bored. – Alright, so you probably already knew this one, but hey, we’ve got to say it! If making conversation feels like pulling teeth, then it’s probably best that you make this your first and last date. Do your best to engage with your date — give him or her the benefit of the doubt! First dates can be nerve-racking for sure, but ride it out.
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When to comes to the online dating world, there are plenty of disasters waiting to happen. Although some of them are unavoidable, there are many things you can do to prevent a disastrous outcome. As you go through the process of building your online dating profile and communicating with possible matches — following up on our online dating do’s — keep in mind these online dating don’ts:
- Don’t seem desperate, even if you are. If you’re newly in contact with someone, don’t call, text or email him or her more than once a day -– unless they reply. Sure, you may feel like you’ve struck gold and are falling head-over-heels in love, but unless they’re reciprocating in some way, you need to cool those heels. Otherwise, you’ll come across as instable and desperate, and you may end the relationship before it even gets started.
- Don’t lie. We get it. Most folks add an inch to their height, or drop a couple of pounds from their weight. We’re not talking about embellishing small details. But if you suddenly declare that you’re 5’11” at 135 pounds but you really stand at 5’5” and weigh 210, you’re going to have a problem as soon as that online dating romance takes a real-world turn.
- Don’t look for the same kind of person who has hurt you in the past. Some of us are attracted to bad boys or to drama queens, but usually those things don’t work out so well. You need to break your pattern of picking potential lovers who are bad for you, and instead try to find healthy relationships.
- Don’t give it all away right away. We’re not talking about sex, here. Especially with online dating, that should come down the road. We’re talking more about exposing your deepest, darkest secrets. Yes, in the long run you want to meet someone who loves you for who you are, and who accepts your faults. However, you don’t want to advertise those faults. Let the person discover them, one at a time, rather than dumping them all at once.
- Don’t be rude. An obvious one, but we have to say it! If you do manage to land an in-person date, be on time. Don’t be rude, and don’t get drunk — two drinks is a good rule of thumb. Don’t check out other women (or other guys). Use your best manners, and just be courteous.
The online dating world is, in some ways, a minefield. Sure, you can dance across that minefield, taking extra care to step softly, but sometimes you’re just going to set someone off. Rather than tiptoeing and avoiding anything you think might be harmful to your online dating life, it’s time to accentuate the positive. It’s time to take some specific steps to improve not only your online dating profile, but your overall strategies and techniques. This may seem like tips for beginners only, but it’s always good for a refresher.
- Look your best. This should go without saying! While you don’t need to have a professional picture taken for your profile, you do need to put your best foot forward. The same goes for photos elsewhere online. If you have a bunch of beer-swilling, beer-bellied pics on your Facebook page, eventually it’s going to work against you. The same goes for when you do set up an in-person date: Grooming is essential.
- Enjoy yourself. Don’t be a downer. Sure, trying to find the love of your life is a serious and scary thing, but the fact of the matter is that folks aren’t out there looking for someone who’s going to depress them. Have a good time with it. Dating is supposed to be fun!
- Be lavish with your praise. Make sure to drop compliments whenever appropriate. Don’t be so complimentary that it comes across as fake, of course. But if you do go out on a date, tell your date how nice he or she looks. Show that your appreciate all of the time and energy they spent getting ready.
- Be interested and interesting. Don’t just talk to hear your own voice. Have a real dialogue. Ask questions. Pay attention to the answers. Identify your own areas of interest and passion, and share them succinctly. If the other person is interested in them, they’ll ask you for more.
- Be honest about your feelings. If you’re not interested in someone, say so. You might want to be kind and not hurt their feelings, but in the long run you’re better off letting them go now rather than waiting.
Welcome to the April 25, 2012 edition of the Carnival of Online Dating! This is the twenty-seventh edition of the blog carnival, and we really appreciate those who have submitted their links for inclusion. Spread the word: The next Carnival of Online Dating will be May 9, 2012, so make sure to get your submissions in by 8:59pm PST/11:59pm EST Tuesday May 8.
Dating Tips & Advice
- Ms. Free presents Unleashing Your BAD BITCH!: The Date is NOT DEAD! posted at Unleashing Your BAD BITCH!.
- Graham Stoney presents 8 Things Women Wish Men Knew posted at The Confident Man Project, saying, “Ever wonder what women are really thinking about men?”
- Persha Davis presents The Irony Of Starting Over After A Break Up posted at Dumped Days.
- Chase Amante presents Bad Dates You’ll Want to Avoid posted at Chase Amante, saying, “Ever find yourself on what turned out to really just be a bad date? Find out how to never have that happen again – follow this guide to avoiding bad dates.”
- justaskelle presents Yelling and Yanking posted at smalltowndating (soon to be Someone to Desire, a justaskelle.com production), saying, “When do you walk away from a toxic relationship?”
- Graham Stoney presents How to Feel Confident in Conversations posted at The Confident Man Project, saying, “If you want to feel confident talking to hot women, start by feeling confident in conversations generally.”
- Grace Pamer presents How to Put a Flash Mob Marriage Proposal Together posted at Romance Never Dies, saying, “If you really want to make your marriage proposal memorable then why not consider arranging a flash mob to help melt your partners heart?”
- willow presents Masks and Emotional Vampires Here, There and Online posted at Vigilance Musings.
- Jon Rhodes presents How to Spot a Liar posted at HypnoBusters, saying, “This article shows you how to spot if someone is lying to you.”
Sex & Seduction
Be sure to tune in every 1st and 3rd Wednesdays for more! The next Carnival of Online Dating will be May 9th, 2012, so make sure to get your submissions in by 8:59pm PST/11:59pm EST Tuesday May 8th!
That concludes this edition. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.
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Sometimes, it may seem like college dates get old real fast as the one thing you both seem to have in common is that you’re probably broke, and after a few dinners and trips to the bars, there’s not much more to do. Hanging around is fine with your friends, but it is hard to start up an engaging relationship around food and alcohol only. It’s fun for you and your friends because you already know each other, but if you’re dating, you need fun activities to break the ice. Here are some ideas that may not have occurred to you without a little aid.
One great source of college dates if you’re both at least a little athletically inclined is to see what recreational activities your college offers. Swimming while you have that fresh spark between you can be a great time, and even if you’ve have been dating for awhile, it could be fun to have a new place to interact and fool around in the water. If your school has racquetball or tennis courts, they can also be fun places to work up a sweat. You can create your own rules depending on each of your athletic abilities and you will find conversation naturally occurs while playing because you have something in common to talk about right there. An added bonus is exercise releases endorphins and you’ll both be in a great mood after playing.
If sports are not your thing, or if your college doesn’t have a great recreational center, you may at least consider taking a nature walk. Ok, it sounds boring, but it doesn’t have to be — bring along snacks and a blanket! It gets you out of the house and sights will at least give you something to talk about. If you’re a little bit athletic, you could turn it into a bicycle ride.
Switching up gears a little, you may find inspiration in your activities from childhood. Try going to an art museum or the zoo for the afternoon. Both offer you a change of pace and scenery, and have plenty of built in conversation builders. What are your favorite pieces? What animal would you be? Even going to a school playground in the area may be fun as stories from your childhood are sure to come up — before long you could find yourself competing and showing off on the jungle gym or swings. Being a child is something you both share experiences from, so don’t be embarrassed go ahead and share them, believe it or not, you’ll have fun.
Definitely keep your eye out for festivals around campus and the town you live in. At some point, there are sure to be local festivals or activities that you can take part in that can shape a great date night. Take advantage of all of them so you keep your dating life fresh.