A Dating Life Makeover

by Online Dating on December 19, 2011

Just like your body, your relationships need careful maintenance if you want them to last and serve you well. Sometimes you don’t need much, a quick trim and wash to put that spring back into your step, but on the other hand, neglect will snap back at you. If you feel like your dating life is feeling a bit “blah,” here are a few tips to make it over.

Examination

Just like your body, sometimes your dating life needs a once-over for diagnosis. It’s easy to ignore the small problems and let ignorance be bliss, but it’s important to take stock of things. This step is personal, so look at things like your eating habits, exercise routine, financial situation, etc. If something is out of balance, examine everything to determine what you’ll need to do to get your life back into shape. Turn inward!

Goals

This part should be a bit more fun. Now that you’ve gone through your self-examination, it’s time to set some goals and imagine what you’d like your dating life to be. Take what you found in the first step, and imagine what you’d like to be instead.If your appearance was on the list, visualize the new you. Do you want to be a more outgoing person? Imagine yourself as the life of the party. Imagine your sparkly clean apartment, your ideal job — whatever it is that you feel will get you to where you want to be.

Treatment

Now that you’ve gone through a self-examination, and you’re on the road to your new you, it’s time to set things in motion. Don’t stop after step two! Get busy — smash those old habits, say goodbye to destructive relationships holding you back, donate those things that aren’t part of your new self-image. Be ruthless until everything that stands between you and your vision is gone.

Recover

It’s time for things to finally pay off! Nothing is more satisfying than watching your vision come to fruition. You have a clean slate — who will you surround yourself with? What are your new goals? Go out there and live the dating life you’ve always dreamed of.

What does all of this have to do with dating? Well, you can’t expect someone else to care for you until you properly care for yourself.

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Ask Online Dating U: I Found Pictures Of Her Exes

by Online Dating on December 17, 2011

Although we cover a variety of online dating and relationship tips, there are times when a situation is too unique for an umbrella topic. Or maybe we just haven’t covered something yet! That’s why we’re going to do an Ask Online Dating U every once in a while. At Online Dating University, we’re here for you, so send us your questions!

I am 21 years old and have been dating my 18 y.o. girlfriend for about a year. We have many things in common, we share the same ideas and we have a lot of similar interests, but as persons we are quite different.

A little background: I am a more tolerant and a humble person and I try my best to understand and consider other people and their points of view. She comes from a wealthy family so money is not a problem for her, she has a huge ego, she thinks that only she is the right person in an conflict and doest even want to consider other opinions.

She is a very intelligent person but she is not always right. Sometimes she is emotionally abusive and doesn’t really thrust other people, including me… I don’t understand why, I trust her and I am always open to her… and that was the negative part about her. Of course there are many positive things that kept this relationship going.

The conflict: I repaired her computer, she said not to look at what she has on her computer and said it really serious multiple times, so, guess what? My curiosity is a little bitch. So shuffling through her photos I found that she keeps photos of her ex boyfriends… it made me a little “wtf, why does she keep this?” It doesn’t really bother me and I did not confront her until today.

I told her that I saw those photos and I dont have problems with that, but she called me an asshole for violating her private space. She said she did not trust or love me this entire relationship and this is not the first time she has said that either. She said that I’m far inferior compared to her ex boyfriends and I am a waste of time.

I think there are a couple things going on here: 1. Trust issues and 2. Verbal abuse.

So, obviously it piqued your curiosity when your girlfriend told you not to look on her computer, but you did invade her privacy. Following through on that curiosity showed a lack of trust that should be concerning in any relationship. However, her reaction was absolutely, overwhelming disproportionate to what you did. It could even be a sign that she’s harboring feelings for an ex.

What’s more concerning is that she’s verbally abusive to you. The things she has said to you… “She said that I’m far inferior compared to her ex boyfriends and I am a waste of time”… “She said she did not trust or love me this entire relationship.” That’s just not acceptable. You should really consider moving on, or confronting her about how she treats you.

Lessons In Cougar Dating

by Online Dating on December 16, 2011

Dating a younger man can lead to a fulfilling relationship, but there are a few situations that partners near the same age might not face. Here are a few love lessons every cougar should consider, no matter the age difference.

The Sugar Mama Trap

Many cougars make more money than their cubs, but it doesn’t mean that she should always have to pay. He’s still a man, and he should make the gesture to treat his woman. In a perfect world, no one would really keep track, and it might be nice to split the bill every once in a while! And if your cub wants to show that he can provide for you, let him do so. You also don’t want to be used!

The Know-It-All

Because you’re older and well-traveled, you may have more life experience, but it’s not always best to act like you know everything. Don’t be controlling — give your partner room to express himself and allow him to feel like a man. This guy is with you because you’re confident, smart, and he feels great being around you. If you emasculate him, you’ll become his mother instead of his love — and that’s no good.

Underestimating

Don’t underestimate your cub! Being younger doesn’t necessarily mean that you cub’s not knowledgable or that he can’t connect with you on your past experiences. Many people these days are savvy — culturally, sexually, and otherwise. Keep away from forcing your cub to feel like he has a lot to learn or isn’t as sophisticated as you are. So, saying things like, “when I was your age,” and “you’re too young to remember,” won’t fly.

Ignore the Stares

You’ll definitely come across people who have issues with the age difference in your relationship, but that’s to be expected. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re totally into this guy! Your man finds you interesting and attractive — you shouldn’t be ashamed of that. Many men date younger women, so don’t let a double standard get in your way.

Younger Women

Younger women: They’re not your competition! He’s with you because of your age, not despite it. You have a lot to offer him that women his age don’t — knowledge, experience, no drama — and that’s why he’s into you. Acting like you’re in your twenties to keep your cub around is a turn-off. Be yourself.

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How To Save A Relationship Before The Breakup

by Online Dating on December 14, 2011

Nobody wants to experience a breakup, especially one a long-term relationship. Breakups are about one of the most emotional painful experiences that humans willingly put themselves through repeatedly in the search to find the perfect one. If you believe the relationship you’re in is headed for breakup, but that there is still something worth fighting for, do yourself a favor and look for solutions sooner than later.

One thing you should do is take a look at the relationship and determine why you’re running into these speedbumps. Evaluate the balance of power in the relationship to get an idea of whether or not that may be playing a part. If one party is constantly making the important decisions, the other party is bound to feel devalued and unhappy. This could lead to disaster. By speaking up more about what you want in a relationship, your partner will respect and value you! Start small by voicing an opinion on where you eat or what movie you see — it’s a great beginning. In more serious cases, seeing a therapist may be necessary if the power struggle has been slanted for years, and it is up to you to decide if the relationship is worth that amount or effort or not.

If you’re the one who tends to hold the power in the relationship, it may be up to you to ask the tough questions. It may be tough, but you have to find out what is wrong with a relationship before you can fix it. You would never attempt to fix a broken car if you didn’t know what was causing the problem! Talking to your partner will give you some place to start. Seek to gain an understanding of your partner’s needs and feelings.

If you decide that the relationship is worth saving, then the one thing you have to do is follow through. It’s not going to be enough to just hope that things will change, and it’s not enough to make changes for the short term. If there are serious flaws within your relationship, it will take time to iron out. Problems like lack of communication, an uneven balance of power and unhappiness in a relationship do not develop in a week’s worth of time (hopefully!), and they won’t disappear in that span of time either. If you decide a relationship is worth trying to save than you have to be willing to continually to put your time and effort to successfully do so.

  1. Go back to the start and remember the times when you fell in love.
  2. When did you begin to drift apart? Recalling those past disconnects will help you to avoid them in the future.
  3. Talk it out. What do you need from one another to awaken your love again?
  4. Changes. What will you do to safeguard your relationship from future stumbles?