Yvie Thomas is behind BitterStilettos, where she blogs on tales of relationship woe to prevent ‘I told you so.’

Have you ever met a guy who lied on his online profile and hoped that you’d look past these lies and fall in love with him?

I was recently in such a situation with a man who, although kind, was just not man enough for me. And I don’t mean ‘man enough’ in the sense that he wasn’t beating his chest and readjusting his manly parts in public. ‘Man enough’ in this context means he could not live like an adult male should live… with the ability to take care of himself and not expect others (girlfriend and parents included) to take care of him just because they can.

The way this man lived his life reminded me of a teenager or a 20-year old boy. TURN OFF.

I had this huge fear that I would end up stuck in a miserable situation where I’m taking care of another grown man as if he’s my child -– a situation similar to the marriage I ended not so long ago.

You see, from my years of dating, and marrying, crappy men, I’ve come to the conclusion that men who lie when I meet them in person or online are not worth the time and effort it would take for me to get past those lies. And this one lied about everything from his height to his career to his education level. When I asked why he’d lied, he responded that he wasn’t getting the responses he wanted by telling the truth. (Methinks he should lower his standards…)

Everything I thought he was when we began dating was a lie.

Since he lied about his career, I assumed that he at least made enough to take care of himself. Once I opened up about the fact that I made more than double his salary, I was suddenly expected to pay for everything if it cost more than $10, including food, laundry, etc.

He depended on his father for money a little too much for comfort. Most women who are independent and take care of themselves want a man who can do the same and it was apparent that he was not that man.

Most importantly, at 38, he lacked drive and ambition. I certainly don’t think I’m the most ambitious woman out there, but I do think I deserve to find an equal and not a slacker who’s been at the same job for 4 years making a salary that could make him eligible for low income assistance.

Men like this are the reason why so many women hate online dating. If you have to lie about who you are to get the one you want, isn’t it possible that the two of you are just not suited for each other?

Am I still a proponent for online dating? Sure. Just make sure you have all the facts up front and keep an ear and eye out for those not-so-little white lies.

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Should You Take Your Ex Back?

by Online Dating on July 5, 2011

Break ups happen for a reason, but sometimes we consider taking our exes back. There are times when couples can reconcile whatever differences they had and work through everything, but many times it’s not so easy — or recommended. Here are a few things to consider if you’re asking yourself whether or not you should take your ex back.

Question Things

So, things usually go a few ways: Your break up is mutual, you leave your partner, or they leave you. If your break up is mutual, or you left them, there’s probably very good reason, and you’re ready to move on anyway. Let’s work under the assumption that they left you. Consider the reasons why they left you, so you can better decide whether or not to take them back. A few of them could be:

  • Someone Else: All situations are different, but it’s generally a bad idea to take a person like this back.
  • Boredom: Your relationship became predictable, and they want to find something exciting again. They probably won’t break this fickle habit, so be wary.
  • Peer/Family Pressure: Pressure from your ex’s friends and family could have driven them away. This is also a tough fix, especially if they’re not willing to reach a compromise with their social circle.
  • Life Changes: If your ex has gone through life changes, hangs out in a new social circle and has a new life in which you don’t fit, then chances are that won’t change either.
  • Emotionally Unstable: Don’t even touch this one with a ten foot pole. They’ll just bring you along for the crazy ride.
  • Player: If your ex gets off on their sexual power, then they’ll just use you again for an ego boost.

Why would they want to come back?

Are they bored of their new fling? Is their new partner abusive or a player? Or do they genuinely care about you and sincerely want to fix things? Only you can decide.

Try to Be Rational

Make a rational decision. Many times after a break up, things are cloudy and you’re more vulnerable to taking your ex back. Don’t feel like you should get back together because you “can’t do better,” you’re desperate for sex, or you feel bad for your ex. That’s not fair for either of you.

In the end, the decision is yours, but let your head catch up with your heart.

Online Dating at Work

by Online Dating on November 11, 2010

One of the first things you do when you’re a new employee is sit down and go over the rules. Some employers have 100 page manuals while others just have a few standard rules that aren’t written in manuals. These are such basic rules everyone should know them.

If you don’t know the basic rules, it isn’t because you live under a rock. Perhaps this is your first job, or you haven’t worked for anyone besides your crazy Aunt Betty. You may have gotten paid well, but let’s be honest cutting grass and running errands for crazy Betty didn’t give you much experience in the workforce.

Depending on where you work, the amount of workplace rules will vary. But there are some standard rules that every employer expects. These are the most basic policies that you should always know before you start working anywhere.

  • No sleeping while at work. If you are too tired or sick don’t go to work and try to make it through the day. Stay home and recuperate.
  • Don’t use computers at work for personal use. Your employer has this equipment for work use only. If you want to use a computer to play around or socialize, buy a computer to use at home.
  • No dating co-workers or supervisors. If you are seeking a mate, work is not the place to do it. Allow co-workers to set you up with one of their friends or use online dating if you are having trouble finding a mate
  • Follow your scheduled hours. You don’t get to pick and choose when you feel like working. They have your schedule hours based on what the employer needs.
  • Follow the dress code your employer has set. Professional dress earns more respect. If this is the first time you have to dress professionally, chances are you aren’t going to have the right clothing. A great place to shop is second hand stores or your local Salvation Army for deals to start building your professional wardrobe.
  • Alcohol or drugs are strictly off limits during work. Having lunch meetings doesn’t excuse this behavior either. At no time is drinking or drugs allowed in any work environment!
  • Stealing from your employer is absolutely forbidden. Just because you work there, you don’t’ have the right to take what is not yours. If you need to borrow a piece of equipment, ask your employer for permission. You should put this in writing so you have a record of it. A simple email or note is all that is needed.

Just remember when you start a new job, the policies and rules aren’t there to intimidate you. They are really there to allow you and your employer to have a respectful affiliation which will allow everyone to get the job done.

Hobbies can be great — usually. However, there are some hobbies that can definitely run a relationship. Take a look at some of the strangest out there.

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The History of Board Games

by Online Dating on October 12, 2010

More than going to a movie, or staying home and watching television or playing video games with the help of the best elo boosting you can get online, or play board games is a great way to spend an inexpensive evening home with someone you care about and enjoying each others company. Today we take a look at the storied history of board games.

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