Yvie Thomas is behind BitterStilettos, where she blogs on tales of relationship woe to prevent ‘I told you so.’
Have you ever met a guy who lied on his online profile and hoped that you’d look past these lies and fall in love with him?
I was recently in such a situation with a man who, although kind, was just not man enough for me. And I don’t mean ‘man enough’ in the sense that he wasn’t beating his chest and readjusting his manly parts in public. ‘Man enough’ in this context means he could not live like an adult male should live… with the ability to take care of himself and not expect others (girlfriend and parents included) to take care of him just because they can.
The way this man lived his life reminded me of a teenager or a 20-year old boy. TURN OFF.
I had this huge fear that I would end up stuck in a miserable situation where I’m taking care of another grown man as if he’s my child -– a situation similar to the marriage I ended not so long ago.
You see, from my years of dating, and marrying, crappy men, I’ve come to the conclusion that men who lie when I meet them in person or online are not worth the time and effort it would take for me to get past those lies. And this one lied about everything from his height to his career to his education level. When I asked why he’d lied, he responded that he wasn’t getting the responses he wanted by telling the truth. (Methinks he should lower his standards…)
Everything I thought he was when we began dating was a lie.
Since he lied about his career, I assumed that he at least made enough to take care of himself. Once I opened up about the fact that I made more than double his salary, I was suddenly expected to pay for everything if it cost more than $10, including food, laundry, etc.
He depended on his father for money a little too much for comfort. Most women who are independent and take care of themselves want a man who can do the same and it was apparent that he was not that man.
Most importantly, at 38, he lacked drive and ambition. I certainly don’t think I’m the most ambitious woman out there, but I do think I deserve to find an equal and not a slacker who’s been at the same job for 4 years making a salary that could make him eligible for low income assistance.
Men like this are the reason why so many women hate online dating. If you have to lie about who you are to get the one you want, isn’t it possible that the two of you are just not suited for each other?
Am I still a proponent for online dating? Sure. Just make sure you have all the facts up front and keep an ear and eye out for those not-so-little white lies.