Dating Tips

The beginning of a new year is the perfect time to meet someone at the gym — it’s when the most people go! Whether you’re going to the gym as a New Year’s resolution or you’re a regular, now’s the time. Here are a few great do’s and don’ts for meeting someone at the gym.

Don’ts

Don’t wear earphones if you want to be approachable. If you tune into your music, you’re tuning everyone else out. If you really need to hear some music to get into your workout, maybe put one earbud in and keep your eye out for someone approaching you.

Guys — and ladies — don’t stare. This one goes back to introducing yourself. Following someone around before introducing yourself is just creepy.

Ladies, don’t wear tons of makeup. You’re at the gym, so you should be au naturale! All that melty makeup will make you look like a hot mess. If you want a little boost, use a light tinted moisturizer to even out skin tone.

Do’s

Make the first move. Don’t be afraid to introduce yourself! Some people have a very hard time with this, but you don’t have anything to lose. If that hot girl working out blows you off, so what? Better yet, what if you introduce yourself and you get her number out of it? The first step is to make the first move.

Ask for help. Ladies, ask a guy to help spot you when lifting weights — there will usually be a higher ratio of men in the weights section anyway. If you don’t know how to use a piece of equipment, it’s another good reason to ask for help and chat someone up.

Smell good. I mean, it’s tough when you’re working up a heavy sweat, but do your best. Wear strong deodorant and bring a clean towel along to wipe your brow, etc.

Take a class. You’ll hopefully learn something new and it’s the perfect chance to meet someone new. If you spot someone you’re interested in, take the spot beside them during the next class.

Although we cover a variety of online dating and relationship tips, there are times when a situation is too unique for an umbrella topic. Or maybe we just haven’t covered something yet! That’s why we’re going to do an Ask Online Dating U every once in a while. At Online Dating University, we’re here for you, so send us your questions!

My boyfriend and I (late-20′s) have been together for 3 months. We have some overlap in our hobbies and interests, enough to sustain a conversation but we differ on the things we truly like. For example, I’m quite passionate about films — I get very excited for Oscar season and I’ll go out of my way to watch everything on the list. He doesn’t care, and in fact thinks everything’s silly except for the rare documentary. I’ll watch those too, but, for example, I’d also like to watch Bridesmaids again, and I’m a little disappointed that he refuses to watch it. I admit that my favorites lean toward frivolity, and now I’m hesitant to talk about the things I love because I’m afraid that he’ll think it’s stupid. Conversely, I’m not really into the things that he’s passionate about either. I can’t really sit and listen to jazz for hours, and the idea of going to a poetry reading is completely unappealing.

We do have some common ground and things to talk about. For example, we both have a mild interest in indie music, but it’s not something either of us are passionate about. Similar careers. Mutual friends. Current events. I wouldn’t mind compromising and trying new things, but I don’t think he’s amenable to doing the same. And frankly I don’t want to adapt his interests when he won’t try mine. Is that silly? These are really very trivial matters and they’re not really an issue right now, but I’m wondering what’s going to happen when the honeymoon period wears off.

I don’t think it’s so much about whether you like the same things or not, but more about how you appreciate and support your S.O.’s interests. Definitely don’t make him feel like your interest or hobby is more important than his, and things may be a bit easier if he were willing to explore like you are. It’s all about showing an interest and encouraging.

Make the effort to ask questions and learn more about your his interests, and you might find yourself truly interested in them. Even if you try to get into some of his interests, and it turns out that you just really can’t find a way to bring them into the mix, that’s ok. As long as the both of you respect one another’s interests, things will be smooth over the long-run.

It’s totally fine to do some things together and some things apart — diversity of interests can spice things up. Take advantage of your diverse interests and mix it up! Maybe make a date night out of it and go to a current movie and hit up a jazz club to grab a drink. Get creative!

Being mindful in your dating approach will get you far. If you feel like your relationships just aren’t sticking, then perhaps you’re prone to sabotaging them. Here are 4 behaviors that indicate that you may be sabotaging your relationship.

Soul Mate… At First Sight

If you believe your date is your soul mate from first meeting, you may be sabotaging your relationship. Hey, I’m a hopeless romantic, and I believe in love at first sight. BUT I still believe that you should approach the relationship slowly to allow it to flourish naturally. Don’t set yourself up for heartache by convincing yourself that you’ve met your soul mate after your first two dates. It’s great to be positive, but relationships need a solid foundation to survive. Besides, are you sure that your date is on the same wavelength as you?

Morally Mismatched

Accepting things about your date that don’t match your own values, morals, or vision of the relationship can put you on the road to sabotaging your relationship. If you find yourself questioning things your date does, you’re probably not a match. Many people, eager to have a relationship, often overlook or settle for someone who doesn’t share the same morals and values — that’s no good. You don’t want to turn the one you’re dating into the fantasy person you created in your head. It’s fine to have difference of interests, but not of values, morals, and vision.

Sex Too Soon

If you have sex right away in your relationship — either it started that way, or just a date or so in — you might be sabotaging your relationship. I know, I know, this subject is controversial, because every couple is different. In general, it’s best to wait as long as possible for sexual intimacy because it makes things complicated. Once you have sex, it can cloud your judgement — is this person the right match for you? You could end up being connected solely by sex. So, if you’re only going for a relationship like that, power to you! If you want something for the long haul, hold off for a bit. There are other things you can do to feel physically and intimately close.

Eager Beaver

This one goes hand in hand with the first point: If you’re overly eager to move the relationship forward, you may be sabotaging your relationship. Many folks that have just ended a long-term, monogamous relationship often find themselves eager to get in that same comfort zone again with someone new. Dating — not sleeping — around isn’t everyones thing, but it will allow you to meet new people and potentially someone you’ll stick with for the long-term. Focusing too much on locking someone in right away can distract you from noticing important red flags and truly determining whether or not you’re compatible. Or worse, you could scare him or her off!