Welcome to the November 2, 2011 edition of the Carnival of Online Dating! This is the sixteenth edition of the blog carnival, and we really appreciate those who have submitted their links for inclusion. Spread the word: The next Carnival of Online Dating will be November 16, 2011, so make sure to get your submissions in by 8:59pm PST/11:59pm EST Tuesday November 15th.
Dating Tips & Advice
Sex and Seduction
Be sure to tune in every 1st and 3rd Wednesdays for more! The next Carnival of Online Dating will be November 16th, 2011, so make sure to get your submissions in by 8:59pm PST/11:59pm EST Tuesday November 15th!
That concludes this edition. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.
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by Hayley Quinn on November 1, 2011
After a serious break-up, it can be very hard to lose the relationship you put so much effort into. To ease the pain of breaking up and to avoid losing altogether someone you care very much about, it might not be a bad idea to transition the relationship into one of friendship — but be careful. One or both of you might not be ready for that transition, and it can just end up making the breakup longer and more painful. Ask yourself these questions when deciding if friendship will work.
- Be honest with yourself. Can you handle it? If you have a lot invested in the relationship, the stakes are higher. If you’ve been very hurt by the other person, you may not be ready to enter into a friendship. Give yourself time to lick your wounds before committing to friendship, or you could end up cheating yourself and the other person.
- Can the other person handle it? While it’s impossible to get inside the other person’s head, you can estimate your partner’s ability to let the past go. Consider their maturity level and overall stability. If you think both of you have what it takes to transition to friendship, read on.
- How serious was your relationship? If you’ve only had a few dates with someone before you realize it just isn’t going to work out, chances are the transition to friendship will be an easy one. If you were together for many years, though, staying in contact can be difficult for everyone involved. Not only does it raise doubts about whether the relationship is really over, but it can make it very hard to start dating anyone else seriously.
- Is this the kind of person you would usually be friends with? Do you have interests and hobbies in common with your ex? Do they fit the age and style of the kinds of people you usually like to hang out with? If the other person is very different from your usual type of friends, you may be choosing friendship for all the wrong reasons. Ask yourself why you are hanging on.
- What are the risks of remaining friends? Many people find it difficult to cut the emotional and physical ties when they stay friends after a relationship is over. The same problems that plagued the relationship are likely to keep cropping up in friendship unless you make some kind of change. Sexual relationships especially are prone to backwards momentum if ties are not cleanly cut, giving both of you a chance to move on. Consider the possible risks in your situation, then discuss them with your ex before clarifying your new ground rules.
Online dating sites offer a great way to connect with new people after a breakup, but be sure you’re ready to start seeing new people before you go dumping your problems off in rebound mode.
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by Kristin Marshall on October 27, 2011
First dates are a time for first impressions and just as the old expression goes, you can’t make a first impression the second time around. These 10 simple things you should never do on a first date, will help you make a better first impression… and you’ll have a better chance of landing a second date.
Smelling Bad: Smelling like a sewer is the best way to get yourself ditched in the middle of a date. No one cares if you just ran a marathon before you picked up your date. Shower with good smelling soap and wear deodorant. Don’t cover yourself in cologne or perfume because what smells good to you might not smell good to them.
Being Cocky: No one wants to be around someone who is cocky or full of themselves, if you are that full of yourself how can you have room for someone else in your life?
Horrible Breath: For heaven’s sake please take the time to brush, floss, use mouthwash and pick up a pack of gum before your date. No one wants to talk to someone with bad breath, and with bad breath you can surely forget that first kiss!
Lighting Up: If your date doesn’t smoke, don’t force them to deal with your habit. Stay away from smoking areas and do not light up in the car.
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When you’re looking for more than strictly casual dates, the search can get tough. That special guy you’d like to go exclusive — or even long-term — with may not be boyfriend material. So, what do you look for? Here are a few indicators that he may be dating material.
He’s Single
This might seem obvious, but he needs to be single. No “getting a divorce,” married, dating someone else seriously, or even emotionally committed to someone else. He shouldn’t keep you as his little secret, no meetings at a hotel, or hiding you from his friends — you’ll end up suffering in the end.
He Can Express Himself
A guy that’s dating material can express his feelings about you. When he feels the need to discuss something personal or perhaps concerns about the relationship, he’s dating material. He should also be able to be straightforward about needing time with his friends or for work projects. You both need lives, too!
He Doesn’t Play Games
Does he play the waiting game when returning a girl’s call? Well, he may not be dating material. A guy shouldn’t vanish to draw a girl in, it’s just rude. If he’s interested in you, he’ll express it without being creepy. On the other hand, you shouldn’t be playing games with a guy who you’d like to date exclusively — treat him with respect and kindness and he should show you the same courtesy.
He’s Consistent
By this I mean that his actions consistently match his words. Some guys talk a big game, but do little to back it up. A guy that’s dating material will plan dates with you in advance… and follow through. When a guy keeps his promises, he’s probably ready for the big leagues.
He’s Confident
A guy who is confident and comfortable with his life, career and feelings about you is dating material. While men who are still finding their niche do date, in general, they’re less likely to be that long-term someone. If you’re dating a guy who has yet to become stable in his life, it may require patience on your part if you feel like he’s the one. Help him to make his dreams come true.
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You’re at a bar and someone asks you out, but you’re not interested. What now? It can be just as tough turning someone down politely as it is asking someone out, so keep that in mind. Here are a few tips on how to turn someone down… politely.
Be Kind
Put yourself in their shoes for a moment — treat them with respect! Avoid speaking in a pitying tone of voice, using sarcasm, or rolling your eyes. I mean, unless this person did something crude and deserves some snark, lay off the haterade. You want to be straightforward, but not too blunt — it’s a fine balance.
Be Honest
It may be easy to let someone down by making up an excuse — you have a boyfriend or you’re too busy — but your body language and tone of voice will give you away. If you really do have a boyfriend or girlfriend, well by all means, let them know. Don’t be wishy-washy about how you say it because, again, people can sense dishonesty in your tone.
Be Clear
It’s best not to repeat yourself or apologize — this can drag things out. Get to the point, and you’ll have a better chance of not confusing the person you’re turning down. If you drag it out, they may believe that they have some chance to get with you still — we’re going for unambiguity here. Short concise responses like, “No, thank you,” work nicely. Although brevity is key here, remember to be kind.
Whether you’ve recently come out of a relationship or you haven’t been on the dating scene for years, you might feel uncertain about jumping back in. Here are a few signs that you’re ready to start dating again.
You have your own plans
You feel ready to find a happy relationship with somebody — or several somebodies, that’s your decision. Whichever it is, it’s because you’re ready. It’s not because you’re trying to get your friends and family off your back.
You’ve grown
Even after learning from past relationships, we all carry around baggage. Just make sure you check it at the door. Once you’ve left your anger and negative experiences behind, you can move forward. If you’re willing to take the good things you’ve learned from past relationships — about others and yourself — you’re ready to start dating again.
You’re ready to work to find someone
Your perfect someone isn’t going to show up at your door — you’ll have to work for it. Once you’re ready, get out there! Although it doesn’t sound romantic to “work” to find that special someone, the romance will come. Volunteer, take a class, or ask your friends and family if they know someone they could introduce you to.
You’re not friends with your ex
It’s rare that people stay friends with their exes. Don’t get me wrong, there are exceptions! If you’re still chummy with your ex in the hopes that you’ll get back together, it’s best that you end that cold turkey. Keeping in contact may force you to maintain romantic feelings and complicate your efforts to move on.
You’re happy
You’re happy, or at least getting there. Once you move on and begin to build your own life, only then can you expect to be ready to build one with someone else.
