Dating Tips

Carnival of Online Dating Welcome to the May 30, 2012 edition of the Carnival of Online Dating! This is the twenty-ninth — and final — edition of the blog carnival, and we really appreciate those who have submitted their links for inclusion. Rediscover our previous editions by visiting our Carnival of Online Dating archives page!

Dating Tips & Advice

Date Ideas

Sex and Seduction

Personal Anecdotes

Thank you for tuning in for our final carnival!

That concludes this edition. Past posts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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4 Of The Biggest Online Dating Lies

by Online Dating on May 29, 2012

One of the unintended consequences of the Internet in general — and online dating specifically — has been anonymity. When you get online, you can claim to be just about anyone you want to. There are entire television shows devoted to uncovering folks who are lying about who they say they are for nefarious purposes, for example. But even if your purposes are noble, it can be tempting to fib when you’re involved in online dating. The best advice anyone can give you in that regard is to just don’t do it.

Here are some of the biggest lies that people tell in the online dating realm to make themselves seem more awesome or attractive than what they really are:

  • I’m ten feet tall. OK, maybe no one is claiming to be quite that tall. However, most folks do lie about their height. This is one of the more amusing facts about online dating, actually. If you study the data as to how tall people claim to be and then plot it on a graph, it looks just like actual height statistics. That is, it looks just like it except the entire graph shifts to the right about two inches. This is more common for men than women. It’s also more common for men who are between 5’8” and 5’11” to round up to 6’ than it is for folks of other heights.
  • I’m a bajillionaire. Most folks also bump up their income when they fill out an online dating profile. On average, people overestimate their yearly income on their online dating profile by about 20 percent. The same phenomenon that results in so many more six footers also results in four times as many people claiming to make $100,000 per hear as actually make that amount.
  • I looked good very recently. The better looking a profile picture is, the more likely it is to be more than a couple of years old. People find the best picture they can of themselves for online dating, even if that means stretching back four or five years. Be sure to keep your online dating profile updated!
  • I’m bisexual. Many people who claim to be bisexual are, but many more actually greatly prefer one sex to the other. We’ll leave this to you to figure out what it really means.

The first few days after a breakup are marked with pain and a whole lot more unfocused anger. First comes the night of when your friends pull your trashed body out of the bar and onto the sofa with a trashcan next to your head. Then comes the next few days of anger and trash talking when you become convinced they must be incredibly stupid to have even thought of letting you go. Last, comes the acceptance and reality check, when you simply wonder what the hell really went wrong in the relationship?

Understanding why you were left or dumped is one of the most important parts of moving on with your life and building a better relationship in the future. Surprisingly enough, it actually could have been your fault. Look over the next few common causes of being left behind and evaluate yourself to see if you could have fallen victim to committing these cardinal relationship sins.

How well did you modulate the attention you paid to your ex in terms of letting them know you were there for them and cared? Could you honestly say your ex knew how much you supported and cared for his needs as well as your own? There’s an old saying that your partner is your better half, so it makes sense that we should be supporting that better half by listening to their troubles, and concerns the same way we expect them to listen to ours.

Did you lend an ear when they needed you, or were you too concerned with work, school, or other activities to even note their existence and moods most of the time? This is known as emotional distancing, and if your ex was experiencing it, chances are they fled because they needed someone who supported their lives and took the time to care. In your next relationship, you might try to be more present and change up your priorities a little to prevent a reoccurrence.

Read on for more →

Figuring out what to say at first contact when you’re online dating is crucial. If you screw up the first message then you’re probably not going to get a good response. Accordingly, if you know what to say in that first message, you’re more likely to generate some interest and, eventually, hook that fish.

If you’re going to be successful in the online dating game, the first message you send is even more important than any pick-up line you’ve ever used. To maximize your odds of success, keep these principles in mind:

  • Literacy is attractive. If you can demonstrate a basic command of grammar and spelling, you’re ahead of a lot of folks in the online dating scene. As it turns out, intelligence (or at least the appearance of intelligence) is a quality that many folks are looking for in a date. Avoid netspeak and slang, although there are some exceptions to this rule — using expressions of humor like LOL or haha, but generally speaking, you want to avoid it. Oh, and punctuation is an important part of the overall grammatical picture, too.
  • Watch out for physical compliments. Guys are much more likely to mention looks in that all-important first email than gals, but some of them do it too. Unfortunately, telling someone they’re gorgeous via an online dating message comes across as shallow, at best. It sounds like a pick-up line. And, there’s a subconscious implication there that says, “You’re beautiful, (but I’m not.)”
  • Pick a unique greeting. “Hello” is probably the worst greeting you can use, at least if you’re hoping for a response. The same goes for “hi.” Even choosing a less formal greeting like “howdy” will often do better than the standard “hello.”
  • Don’t try to move outside of the online dating realm so soon. Invitations to chat or asking for an email address tend to be turn-offs. People on online dating sites like the anonymity that it affords them, and while you do hope someday you’ll take it offline you don’t want to start with a proposal to do so.
  • Mention common interests. One of the great things about online dating is the access to information about the other person. Find a common interest, and ask an open-ended question that engenders a response. If they like sci-fi movies, tell them what your three favorites are and ask about theirs, for example. Capitalize on those common interests early and often.

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The Worst Online Dating Email Headers You Can Use

by Online Dating on May 23, 2012

First impressions are everything, and it’s especially true when it comes to online dating. Your first email to that potentially-special someone can make or break it! You need to make sure it’s appealing, inoffensive and, most of all, interesting to the person on the receiving end. Every element of that first contact is important, and requires a good deal of thought.

Your email subject line or header is the very first part of what that person is going to see. If the recipient has a profile that tends to generate a lot of responses, they might not even open up every email. They might find an email subject that looks interesting and focus on that one, leaving the rest of you to atrophy in the inbox.

While we can’t tell you what will work for sure when it comes to your online dating email header, we can give you some idea of what won’t work. Here are some of the most commonly-used email headers, guaranteed to get that special person to pass you by each and every time:

  • Blah, Blah, Blah. OK, while this might catch some potential mates by invoking the song of the same name from party girl Ke$ha, the fact of the matter is that most people who receive a message with this subject will assume you’re talking about yourself.
  • Could you be the one? Really? Relax. Sure, you want to find a long-term companion. But let’s not jump right into commitment, shall we? Give them some room to breathe.
  • My partner in crime. Mentioning crime is never a good way to make a good first impression.
  • Seeking to meet new people. No, you’re not trying to meet new people. You can do that on forums or blogs or Facebook. Here, on the online dating site, you’re looking for a date.
  • I never do this. Um, yes. You do, actually. You’re doing it right now, as a matter of fact.
  • I’m the one your mother warned you about. Sure, you’re kidding, but they don’t always know that. You might really be the one their mother warned them about.
  • Are you Prince Charming? Nothing like putting your high expectations out there from the beginning.

What’s the worst online dating email header you’ve seen?

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