Although we cover a variety of online dating and relationship tips, there are times when a situation is too unique for an umbrella topic. Or maybe we just haven’t covered something yet! That’s why we’re going to do an Ask Online Dating U every once in a while. At Online Dating University, we’re here for you, so send us your questions!
I’m 22 and my girlfriend is 21, and we’ve been dating since 2007. We work together great, we balance each other very well and maintain a very healthy relationship.
That being said, I’m having a bit of an issue with her right now. I like to build things, create stuff, and experiment with things — this weekend built a great DIY smoker so I could cook for a family get together.
She is upset because I probably spent the same amount of money that her dad did on a steel, electric smoker. Her family is very budget minded (read: cheap), so she has grown up looking at everything at a cost standpoint. Generally that’s great, and we save money, but when it comes to stuff like the smoker she gets upset about the cost of things when, in this case, the relative cost of a terracotta or cast iron smoker is much greater than the cost of a cheap electric steel smoker. I spent about $60 total, including charcoal, when a high end one runs at least $400 or $500.
I know she’s just worried about having money and not being poor, but sometimes it’s like she just doesn’t understand that sometimes its worth the extra money to buy a quality product that will work well and not have to be replaced. I’m all for buying cheap things, but the way I look at it is if I spend $1 on something that I will most likely have to replace, I’d rather spend $2 on a similar item that will not wear out as quickly. We don’t have joint bank accounts, or live together. She says she’s concerned for my future.
Maybe I’m misreading all of this or looking too far into it but it really frustrates me. I am super proud of my smoker that I built and she just seems to not care about and hates the thing and all the effort I put into it. If I could talk to her about it I would but she just gets short with me and will refuse to talk about it. Any advice would be appreciated. I love her to death, I really do, but stuff like this really irks me.
Honestly, you need to talk about her money concerns. It’s one thing if you’re living together and sharing a bank account, but you’re not. She does have every right to be concerned about your well-being, but this doesn’t exactly fall under that. It’d be one thing if you were digging yourself deeply into debt, but it seems like you’re responsible about money and purchases — DIYing is an awesome alternative to paying full price for something you need!
Something to consider: She may be projecting her own stresses and worries onto you. Is she having a hard time with her own finances or job? Get the whole picture, and provide emotional support and reassurance so she’ll relax a bit on the money issue.
If that doesn’t change things, it may just be the way she was raised — it’s tough to change the way people think about money. You’re both still young, so you can agree to disagree, be patient, and don’t make a big deal out of it. On the other hand, if she always has a problem with you doing what makes you happy, then that may point to bigger problems in your relationship.
[Image via Tumblr]
In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to work at our relationships, but that’s just not the case! Emotions often get the best of us, and the 5-year old within emerges to fight about adult issues — it’s not pretty. Arguments and bickering don’t necessarily mean that the love is gone, but if handled incorrectly, they can destroy your relationship. Here are 7 tips for overcoming your destructive bickering habits.
