Advice

Although we cover a variety of online dating and relationship tips, there are times when a situation is too unique for an umbrella topic. Or maybe we just haven’t covered something yet! That’s why we’re going to do an Ask Online Dating U every once in a while. At Online Dating University, we’re here for you, so send us your questions!

I’m 22 and my girlfriend is 21, and we’ve been dating since 2007. We work together great, we balance each other very well and maintain a very healthy relationship.

That being said, I’m having a bit of an issue with her right now. I like to build things, create stuff, and experiment with things — this weekend built a great DIY smoker so I could cook for a family get together.

She is upset because I probably spent the same amount of money that her dad did on a steel, electric smoker. Her family is very budget minded (read: cheap), so she has grown up looking at everything at a cost standpoint. Generally that’s great, and we save money, but when it comes to stuff like the smoker she gets upset about the cost of things when, in this case, the relative cost of a terracotta or cast iron smoker is much greater than the cost of a cheap electric steel smoker. I spent about $60 total, including charcoal, when a high end one runs at least $400 or $500.

I know she’s just worried about having money and not being poor, but sometimes it’s like she just doesn’t understand that sometimes its worth the extra money to buy a quality product that will work well and not have to be replaced. I’m all for buying cheap things, but the way I look at it is if I spend $1 on something that I will most likely have to replace, I’d rather spend $2 on a similar item that will not wear out as quickly. We don’t have joint bank accounts, or live together. She says she’s concerned for my future.

Maybe I’m misreading all of this or looking too far into it but it really frustrates me. I am super proud of my smoker that I built and she just seems to not care about and hates the thing and all the effort I put into it. If I could talk to her about it I would but she just gets short with me and will refuse to talk about it. Any advice would be appreciated. I love her to death, I really do, but stuff like this really irks me.

Honestly, you need to talk about her money concerns. It’s one thing if you’re living together and sharing a bank account, but you’re not. She does have every right to be concerned about your well-being, but this doesn’t exactly fall under that. It’d be one thing if you were digging yourself deeply into debt, but it seems like you’re responsible about money and purchases — DIYing is an awesome alternative to paying full price for something you need!

Something to consider: She may be projecting her own stresses and worries onto you. Is she having a hard time with her own finances or job? Get the whole picture, and provide emotional support and reassurance so she’ll relax a bit on the money issue.

If that doesn’t change things, it may just be the way she was raised — it’s tough to change the way people think about money. You’re both still young, so you can agree to disagree, be patient, and don’t make a big deal out of it. On the other hand, if she always has a problem with you doing what makes you happy, then that may point to bigger problems in your relationship.

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Online Dating: How to Deal With a Clingy Partner

by Hayley Quinn on June 21, 2011


Stop Bickering In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to work at our relationships, but that’s just not the case! Emotions often get the best of us, and the 5-year old within emerges to fight about adult issues — it’s not pretty. Arguments and bickering don’t necessarily mean that the love is gone, but if handled incorrectly, they can destroy your relationship. Here are 7 tips for overcoming your destructive bickering habits.

Don’t Bottle Things Up

Avoiding conflicts and ignoring issues in your relationship is a disaster waiting to happen — the tension created is what drives your bickering. It’s best to take time to have a serious talk about what’s going on, your relationship — and sanity — will thank you for it.

Clarification

How many times have you gotten into an argument, only to realize after that it was all due to an assumption or misunderstanding? It happens all too frequently, so be sure to ask your partner for clarification and to give feedback to ensure that you understand what they’re saying.

The Past is in the Past

Don’t bring up past arguments or issues while arguing, it can just inflame the situation. If you’ve already addressed the issue, opening it up again is pointless and will only cause more hurt. Focus on the now.

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7th Edition of the Carnival of Online Dating

by Online Dating on June 15, 2011

Carnival of Online Dating

Welcome to the June 15, 2011 edition of the Carnival of Online Dating! This is the seventh edition of the blog carnival, and we really appreciate those who have submitted their links for inclusion. Spread the word: The next Carnival of Online Dating will be July 6th, 2011, so make sure to get your submissions in by 8:59pm PST/11:59pm EST Tuesday July 5th.

Dating Tips & Advice

Sex and Seduction

Be sure to tune in every 1st and 3rd Wednesdays for more! The next Carnival of Online Dating will be July 6th 2011, so make sure to get your submissions in by 8:59pm PST/11:59pm EST Tuesday July 5th!

That concludes this edition. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.