After a serious break-up, it can be very hard to lose the relationship you put so much effort into. To ease the pain of breaking up and to avoid losing altogether someone you care very much about, it might not be a bad idea to transition the relationship into one of friendship — but be careful. One or both of you might not be ready for that transition, and it can just end up making the breakup longer and more painful. Ask yourself these questions when deciding if friendship will work.
- Be honest with yourself. Can you handle it? If you have a lot invested in the relationship, the stakes are higher. If you’ve been very hurt by the other person, you may not be ready to enter into a friendship. Give yourself time to lick your wounds before committing to friendship, or you could end up cheating yourself and the other person.
- Can the other person handle it? While it’s impossible to get inside the other person’s head, you can estimate your partner’s ability to let the past go. Consider their maturity level and overall stability. If you think both of you have what it takes to transition to friendship, read on.
- How serious was your relationship? If you’ve only had a few dates with someone before you realize it just isn’t going to work out, chances are the transition to friendship will be an easy one. If you were together for many years, though, staying in contact can be difficult for everyone involved. Not only does it raise doubts about whether the relationship is really over, but it can make it very hard to start dating anyone else seriously.
- Is this the kind of person you would usually be friends with? Do you have interests and hobbies in common with your ex? Do they fit the age and style of the kinds of people you usually like to hang out with? If the other person is very different from your usual type of friends, you may be choosing friendship for all the wrong reasons. Ask yourself why you are hanging on.
- What are the risks of remaining friends? Many people find it difficult to cut the emotional and physical ties when they stay friends after a relationship is over. The same problems that plagued the relationship are likely to keep cropping up in friendship unless you make some kind of change. Sexual relationships especially are prone to backwards momentum if ties are not cleanly cut, giving both of you a chance to move on. Consider the possible risks in your situation, then discuss them with your ex before clarifying your new ground rules.
Online dating sites offer a great way to connect with new people after a breakup, but be sure you’re ready to start seeing new people before you go dumping your problems off in rebound mode.
