How To Deal With Your Boyfriend’s Porn Habits

by Online Dating on July 7, 2011

I came across a discussion online about a woman discovering her boyfriend’s porn collection, and I thought it would be a good thing to touch on here. Porn can be an awkward or fiery topic for most couples to discuss, but let’s face it — most guys, and many women, partake in porn of some kind. Here are a few tips on how to deal with your boyfriend’s porn habits.

Don’t Freak Out

Many women are taken by surprise when they learn that their boyfriend or husband owns porn. Honestly, it shouldn’t surprise you! Humans are sexual creatures, and men deal with sex differently than women do. Women tend to be more emotional creatures, often fantasizing — think, romantic novels and private daydreaming — while men are more visual creatures.

It’s completely natural to have a healthy sex drive. So, before freaking out, you should stop to take a breather and remember that your boyfriend loves you. Those images are just entertainment to him.

Analyze

After you’ve let the situation soak in, you should analyze what’s really going on. Although he may have never told you about his porn, or perhaps even lied about having it, it’s important to figure out what’s really behind his porn habits. Ask yourself a few questions:

  • Did he change his porn habits or just start watching it after issues in your relationship have arisen?
  • Is he putting all of his energy into porn, letting other responsibilities in life take the back seat?
  • Is he overly obsessive about one type of porn?
  • Does he enjoy any type of illegal porn?

Any of these situations could indicate a problem, so be attentive, and take action if necessary.

Talk About It

Definitely talk about the situation. If you’re upset about it, don’t just hold all of your emotions in — you’ll begin to resent your partner. For some couples, it can be awkward to talk about, and people may get defensive, but it’s important to stay levelheaded.

As funny as it may sound, it’s best to establish porn viewing habits early on in a relationship, especially a committed, monogamous one. Some men don’t like revealing their stash, but you know your partner best. You don’t need to know his favorite sites or whatever, but it’ll take a load off of everyone to just get the situation out there.

Be Open

Everyone is different. I’ve seen women on both ends of the spectrum, and everything in between, when it comes to porn. Try to be open and accepting about your partner’s porn habits, as long as they’re not destructive or illegal in any way. Maybe even ask if you could watch it together if you’re feeling adventurous.

Keep in mind that as individuals, we need our own private time — without it, we would rely on another person to define our sexuality. That’s just not healthy. Talk, respect one another, and take time to do it together, and leave some time for personal fantasies, too.

[Image via Tumblr]

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  • LORIH

    IF A MAN LOOKS AT PORN AND HE IS MARRIED OR HAS A GIRLFRIEND HE IS LUSTING AFTER ANOTHER WOMAN. I WOULD NOT WANT TO BE IN COMPETITION WITH PORNO. SWEETHEART IT IS ME OR THE PORN. WHEN DO THEY GROW UP AND AT WHAT POINT SHOULD THEY BE BEYOND THAT?? I DON’T GIVE A SECOND CHANCE.

  • LORIH

    IT HAPPENED TO ME ONLY TWO YEARS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP. THAT IS A LIITLE TOO SOON FOR ME. GAVE HIM BACK HIS ENGAGEMENT RING AND WE STILL HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP BUT I WOULD NEVER MARRY HIM. THINGS ARE GREAT!!! NOW HE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS.

  • KT

    LORIH, *shakes head* if you “don’t give a second chance” then why are you still in the relationship? *sighs* You sound incredibly closed- minded. You should be threatened by a connection, not an image.

    Porn habits are different from couple to couple, and the bottom line in any relationship is both parties being on the same page about what is okay and what is not okay.

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