People You'd Never Want to Date

Lorena Bobbit

Formerly married to John Wayne Bobbit, Lorena rose to fame and subsequently became a feminist "hero" when she attacked her husband with a kitchen carving knife. It's not so much the fact that she just attacked him with a knife, but she actually cut off just over half of his penis. With a knife. Nice. The story goes that her husband allegedly raped her one night (but was later acquitted of this), so later on, she snuck out of bed and into the kitchen, where she saw a carving knife and just suddenly snapped. She took the knife and then assaulted her husband with it. She then drove some distance away and threw his severed penis into a field, only to realize what she'd done, retrieve said penis and have doctors reattach it in a nine and a half surgical operation in hospital. Later on in court, she would go on to say that depression and post traumatic stress due to constant domestic abuse caused her to act under temporary insanity, so the jury deemed her "not guilty" of hacking away at her husband's genitalia with a knife you usually reserve for chicken.

Jessica Simpson

Sure, the pop singer might look nice, but sometimes you might just want a little substance to your relationship. For example, imagine how YOU'd feel having to constantly remind your date that buffalo wings aren't actually made from real buffalo, as Simpson famously declined some of the wings, proclaiming "no thanks, I don't eat buffalo". Or that time when she was asked in 7th grade to name the continents, to which she replied "A-E-I-O-U".

Tom Cruise

I think most intelligent and rational people these days have pondered the sanity of Mr. Cruise. I also think that most intelligent and rational people have come to the conclusion that he is, in fact, batshit insane. When he's not busy killing Oprah or generally freaking out, he's generally being weird. But besides this, he bought Katie Holmes an engagement ring after the very first date. Isn't that just a little bit weird? Some might believe in love at first sight, but an engagement ring after the first date?

Lindsay Lohan

If you can afford to keep her in narcotics and alcoholic beverages, then I'm sure she'd be perfect dating material, if you can put up with vomit all over your carpet. Also, you have to be female, these days.

Charles Manson

Nobody's ideal dating material, what with spending most of his life behind bars for numerous felonies and general insanity, not to mention his involvement in several murders. By the time he was 32, Manson had spent more than half his life in prison. He's even gone as far as to believe that The Beatles "White Album" contained a message (albeit in code) directed at Manson himself, instructing him to preserve "worthy people" from impending disaster, which he would most likely try an instigate himself. However, his connection/obsession with music has made him a relatively popular figure in pop culture, usually when referencing insanity and/or violence. Not the kind of thing you'd want to bring home to the family, well...Unless you're that way inclined.

Cameron Diaz

She might have an impressive Hollywood résumé and the looks to go with it, but she actually suffers from acute mysophobia, a fear of dirt and germs. I can understand that not many of like things to be dirty and have a preference to live a clean and healthy life, but Cameron has publically admitted that she suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder with regards to a number of things, cleanliness included. She has been known to clean doorknobs so vigorously before using them that the paint has faded afterwards and that she sometimes uses her elbows to open doors. If your house contains if the faintest bit of dirt or dust, she ain't coming in after a date!

John Fitzgerald Page

Obtained internet infamy roughly a year ago for being a generally unpleasant person, especially to women he meets on dating websites! He responded to a rejection on dating website Match.com with an overwhelmingly arrogant and obnoxious email, which you can check out on the link. Basically, this is a man that thinks the world of himself and responds to rejection in the most retarded way possible. Maybe I've inadvertently described most people, but this time it was spread all over the internet.

Paris Hilton

Tiny dogs. Movies on the internet. Unstoppable idiocy. Tiny dogs. Stupid best friends. Tiny dogs. Do I really need to say more?

Aleksey Vayner

Successfully becoming an internet meme from 2006, Aleksey's Impossible is Nothing video résumé became the stuff of legends, even to the extent where people were producing parodies of it. The video was originally intended to land him a job, but an anonymous employee of the company he sent it to found it so hilariously full of crap that they then sent it to other investment banks and those banks then sent it to other people and gradually the Impossible is Nothing phenomenon came into being, with the video sprouting up all over the internet, providing much amusement wherever it went. Definitely not something you'd want to date, unless you enjoy listening to loops of repeated arrogance and don't really like talking about anything, ever. Check out the original video here.