Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, is a psychotherapist with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She teaches at Emory University and has been in the New York Times, Glamour and on CNN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information please visit http://www.drjanetpage.com.
1. Stop whining
Lost and rotten relationships are last year’s mistakes now. You have or haven’t erred. Or the only thing you may have learned is who to avoid. It’s time to curb the learning curve and stop analyzing your love past. There is no need for review, regret, or remorse. You have amassed enough object lessons in 2011. It’s time to get going.
Place a moratorium on blame. Make a new year’s vow to set break time from the friends and family who help keep you mired in guilt and sorrow.
How terrible they were or pitiful you were is yesterday’s news. Re-injury by reliving your nightmares only gets in the way of your dreams.
And even more importantly cease fire on all negative self-talk. Your biggest enemy is you. Mental reviews may be your biggest problem. You are the ultimate captive audience the one from whom you can neither run nor hide.
You may not be in a relationship or dating a possible dream mate but at least you can be at the start — facing forward not backward or anchored in a go nowhere relationship. No baggage is a good beginning. So eliminate deadwood as a new year’s gift.
If the man of the moment is not someone you would marry or who would marry you (and, yes, you do know the difference), dump him now. You’ll be less depressed. Ask yourself “do I feel better about myself when I’m with him, is he _______ (your top 3 and only 3 requirements for a husband), and does he seem interested in marriage or at least on the path to eating out of your hand”?
If so, good – proceed.
If not please say goodbye.
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