Ask Online Dating U: My S.O. Is Depressed

by Online Dating on December 5, 2011

Although we cover a variety of online dating and relationship tips, there are times when a situation is too unique for an umbrella topic. Or maybe we just haven’t covered something yet! That’s why we’re going to do an Ask Online Dating U every once in a while. At Online Dating University, we’re here for you, so send us your questions!

I’m a 32 year old male, dating a 25 year old female. We’ve been living together for almost two years (dating three) and things are usually great. We don’t fight often or anything like that. Over the last few weeks I noticed a distance in her. She has been depressed in the past about money and her overall health (overweight) but she usually bounces back. Today, she came home from work crying. When I got her to confide in me, she said that she is sorry that she didn’t tell me sooner, but she is just depressed about everything and she doesn’t know how to proceed. I asked her if she means about us and our relationship and she said “I don’t know, everything.” She told me that I am the best thing to happen to her and she doesn’t want to just throw it all away, but she doesn’t know what to do. She told me that I deserve someone better than her and I don’t deserve any of this. I told her that I think she is straight up depressed… not just sad like everyone gets sad but full on clinically depressed. I asked her if she might be willing to speak to someone but she doesn’t know. Her answer to everything is “I don’t know”.

What should I do? She has no insurance so I wouldn’t know how to proceed with a therapist or someone who could write her prescriptions. This is my first real relationship and I want to fight for her.

I’m no health professional, but it sounds like your girlfriend may be clinically depressed. To start off, while you sort things out, grab her some Vitamin D to start taking every day — it could help take the edge off, especially if you live in a place with little sunshine.

Many people don’t have insurance, but there are therapists that charge on a sliding scale (based on income, etc.) so it can be very affordable. Perhaps contact your local hospital or do a Google search for recommendations on offices that offer free or reduced therapy services in your area. I’d recommend starting with a therapist (over a psychiatrist) so she can get counseling, a diagnosis, and a recommendation for UK Meds medication if needed. Psychiatrists generally don’t counsel you, but will go forward with writing a script for meds. If she’s uncomfortable with seeing a therapist, offer to go with her for her first couple visits. Your support is amazing and will help her on her journey!


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  • O.D.

    I salute the guy for not leaving his partner, instead he became more concern with her. I think he loves the woman so much. Hope their relationship is still going.

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