Ask Online Dating U: How Important Is It To Like The Same Things?

by Online Dating on January 26, 2012

Although we cover a variety of online dating and relationship tips, there are times when a situation is too unique for an umbrella topic. Or maybe we just haven’t covered something yet! That’s why we’re going to do an Ask Online Dating U every once in a while. At Online Dating University, we’re here for you, so send us your questions!

My boyfriend and I (late-20’s) have been together for 3 months. We have some overlap in our hobbies and interests, enough to sustain a conversation but we differ on the things we truly like. For example, I’m quite passionate about films — I get very excited for Oscar season and I’ll go out of my way to watch everything on the list. He doesn’t care, and in fact thinks everything’s silly except for the rare documentary. I’ll watch those too, but, for example, I’d also like to watch Bridesmaids again, and I’m a little disappointed that he refuses to watch it. I admit that my favorites lean toward frivolity, and now I’m hesitant to talk about the things I love because I’m afraid that he’ll think it’s stupid. Conversely, I’m not really into the things that he’s passionate about either. I can’t really sit and listen to jazz for hours, and the idea of going to a poetry reading is completely unappealing.

We do have some common ground and things to talk about. For example, we both have a mild interest in indie music, but it’s not something either of us are passionate about. Similar careers. Mutual friends. Current events. I wouldn’t mind compromising and trying new things, but I don’t think he’s amenable to doing the same. And frankly I don’t want to adapt his interests when he won’t try mine. Is that silly? These are really very trivial matters and they’re not really an issue right now, but I’m wondering what’s going to happen when the honeymoon period wears off.

I don’t think it’s so much about whether you like the same things or not, but more about how you appreciate and support your S.O.’s interests. Definitely don’t make him feel like your interest or hobby is more important than his, and things may be a bit easier if he were willing to explore like you are. It’s all about showing an interest and encouraging.

Make the effort to ask questions and learn more about your his interests, and you might find yourself truly interested in them. Even if you try to get into some of his interests, and it turns out that you just really can’t find a way to bring them into the mix, that’s ok. As long as the both of you respect one another’s interests, things will be smooth over the long-run.

It’s totally fine to do some things together and some things apart — diversity of interests can spice things up. Take advantage of your diverse interests and mix it up! Maybe make a date night out of it and go to a current movie and hit up a jazz club to grab a drink. Get creative!

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