Although we cover a variety of online dating and relationship tips, there are times when a situation is too unique for an umbrella topic. Or maybe we just haven’t covered something yet! That’s why we’re going to do an Ask Online Dating U every once in a while. At Online Dating University, we’re here for you, so send us your questions!
I’m 30 and she is 31 and we’ve been together for a little over 3 years. I’ve worked my entire life and actually have a pretty decent career now. She has always worked in offices and that’s completely fine. My major problem is that she has been unemployed for roughly half of our 3 year relationship.
It’s not that she gets fired or she gets laid off (those I’d be fine with because she could probably get unemployment!) she QUITS even though I basically beg her to find a new job first.
She has lied to me about getting jobs and not taking them because “it was ghetto.” She has ruined her chances with many temp agencies because she quits her assignments half way in to them — usually over extremely trivial things (“They made me file and answer the phones!”). Right now she has been unemployed for about 7 months (previous time it was 10 months) and does submit her resume about 4 or 5 times a week but as always she gets no call backs. I can’t really blame her for this but I’m really scared that this is going to turn in to recurring thing with her over and over and over.
In addition to this, I’m dirt poor the entire time and she doesn’t seem to care too much. She usually quits when I get my bonus at work or am taking on a new job. She still gets to go out and have fun with her friends because they pick her up but I get to do nothing because I only have enough gas to get to work. What should I do?
I’ll get this out of the way, right off the bat: She’s taking you for a ride. You’re there as her safety net, and being a sucker is enabling her to continue to do what she’s doing.
I understand that working at a string of temp or office jobs isn’t the most appealing for everyone, but there comes a time in life when you just need to grow up already, and unfortunately, the time has long passed for her. Working isn’t always fun, but it’s how we survive.
For a relationship to work, you need mutual trust and respect, and yours has neither — she doesn’t respect you, and you don’t trust her. If you feel strong enough to try everything to make things work, you should set a couple ground rules:
- Sincerely congratulate her the next time she lands a job, but make it clear that you are out if she pulls her crap again.
- She needs to have a signed contract for another job, or confirmation of another job before she quits her current one.
If she won’t agree to these simple rules, get out. Otherwise, be as supportive and positive as you can, and hope that she will get on her stuff. She will probably always complain about her work — it seems like she’s just the type — but putting up with these little things is also a part of a long-term relationship.
Love isn’t always easy, but you have to make your girlfriend face her issues. Your relationship will not survive this vicious cycle if something doesn’t change.
