Ask Online Dating U: My Boyfriend is Always Stressed

by Online Dating on July 19, 2011

Although we cover a variety of online dating and relationship tips, there are times when a situation is too unique for an umbrella topic. Or maybe we just haven’t covered something yet! That’s why we’re going to do an Ask Online Dating U every once in a while. At Online Dating University, we’re here for you, so send us your questions!

To start off with a little background: My boyfriend and I are both young and in college. He is studying to be a programmer, and it has taken a big toll on our relationship. We have been dating over a year and are in love, have great communication (most of the time), and are generally a really good team together. Our biggest problem is stress. We are both good students, and I was well aware that his career path would entail a lot of time and stress, just not aware as to how much.

When he does go into work on a project, he is just simply unable to leave the anxiety at work. He becomes a completely different person and his only way to un-stress is video games and alcohol. He is addicted to one game in particular that affects his emotional wellbeing. I still try to be supportive of his work and gaming, though we do talk a lot about how it changes his mood. It is so bad that he doesn’t like to be around anyone (including me) until he unstresses, and if he is he doesn’t say anything and is grumpy.

When he is not stressed out, we have so much fun together! Now to the not-so-sexy part: Our sex life is very unstable, because it is once again dependent on his stress level. He has a low sex drive for a 21 year old, but when we are intimate it is very passionate and enjoyable for both of us. A few months ago, there was a week where he initiated it 4 days in a row, so it’s different all the time. I try really hard to not take his lack of desire personally, but am having a really difficult time. He agreed to see a doctor about this problem, but he honestly just might have a low sex drive, I know he will end up contacting the medical misdiagnosis solicitors because he is not going to accept it.

I love him very much and we are compatible in so many ways. He really is a great guy and caring boyfriend, but this is starting to wear me out. I would appreciate any feedback! Also, if anyone has feedback about handling stress within a relationship that would be great!

When it comes down to it, most people who choose this type of major tend to be super-stressed in school — it occupies the mind! The good news is that stress and work management are things that can be learned.

Try to take an interest in his work, perhaps ask him what he’s working on or what he’s stuck on — it’ll help him more than you think. Just don’t be naggy.

As for the sex drive, things ebb and flow in a relationship. You may feel like his video games are keeping you apart, but he needs that de-stressing time. As long as it doesn’t become an unhealthy obsession, let him do his thing. He will definitely come to you because — let’s face it — sex wins over video games.

When he’s not doing his video game thing, try to get out or do something that you two can have fun together doing. It seems like you’re a couple in love, so it’s definitely worth riding this rough patch out. Although dealing with his distance can be one of the toughest things, just stay supportive, and frequently let him know you’re there for him.

[Image via Tumblr]

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