Although we cover a variety of online dating and relationship tips, there are times when a situation is too unique for an umbrella topic. Or maybe we just haven’t covered something yet! That’s why we’re going to do an Ask Online Dating U every once in a while. At Online Dating University, we’re here for you, so send us your questions!
We’ve been dating for 5 years. I’ve been offered a fantastic job. It’s almost unreal. It’s only for 6 months (which may be extended if I want), but the pay is UNREAL (more than 5x what I’m making now), it’s in a field I love, and I have to move to Germany (I’ve never been out of the United States before). I’m supposed to leave in two months.
My girlfriend was raped and almost killed two weeks ago. She spent several days in the hospital, but she thankfully made it through and is expected to make a full recovery. Obviously she’s a mess right now with all she’s going through and I am too. I’ve barely eaten or slept since it’s happened and I can’t think straight. To worsen things, her mother has gotten sick and got released from the hospital yesterday (although she’s doing fine right now).
I just don’t know what to do. Originally we planned to just to have a LDR for the 6 months, but there is no way I’m going to do that. Right now I have two options: I can either turn down the job offer or I can ask my SO to go with me. I really don’t want to turn down the job offer. It’s unlikely I’ll ever get another job that is so exciting, work such a normal schedule (40 hours or less), that pays this well, but it is totally unfair to ask her to move to some foreign place away from all of her friends and family after such a traumatic event. She’s the love of my life and I know we’re going to grow old together, so I feel disgusting whenever I think about asking her to come with. She’s always put me first in her life.
You’re in a very tough situation and I can’t imagine the stress of what you’re going through. You really have three choices here, either bring her along, leave her behind, or turn down the offer. And they all have downsides, so you really need to speak to your girlfriend about this and do some soul searching.
I mean, it sounds like an incredible opportunity. From what I read, it also sounds like you truly want to go. It would be good for you, your resume, your bank, your happiness… and who knows, it could be a fresh start for your girlfriend too. I don’t know much about your relationship, but it must be solid. After this long, you could handle a long-distance relationship, but what happened to your girlfriend put a kink in things. It would suck to make the decision right now, but if she is as excited for you as you appear to be, she is probably happy about the opportunity too.
Definitely include your girlfriend in your decision-making process. Instead of presenting her the choices, and asking her to make one, walk through it together. If you decide to go together, you should take the chance to go over early to set everything up. This will ease the stress on her — moving, especially out of the country, can be extremely stressful. If her therapist can keep in touch with her remotely, via Skype perhaps, all the better.
When it comes down to it, this is something you should take time to reflect on. Be sure to talk to your girlfriend and include her in this decision! Best of luck.
