Thank God it’s not the 50s, where all of us women had to stand around the edges of a dance hall waiting to be asked to do the West Coast Swing and accept a marriage proposal under the threat of “being left on the shelf.” Now we get to take control: We can browse dating websites for potential suitors and decide who, where, and when we date. In theory. But for some reason, there is still a stigma attached to women initiating contact on dating websites.
So here are my top tips for seeming empowered, and not needy, by contacting him first.
- Be specific: Neediness is generally characterized by just needing anyone. If you’re blanket messaging a generic text to every guy you stumble across on a dating site, this would suggest that, a) you have far too much time on your hands or b) you’re completely discontent with being a “single lady” and need to change your relationship status on Facebook to ‘married’ before you can relax. Avoid giving off the impression of either of these things by taking your time to write why you contacted him. Give specific details of what it was in his profile that made you smile, and stress your common interests. He’ll feel privileged that a woman he has so much in common with has written to him.
- Be original: Just like how it’s a crime to poach a best man’s speech from the internet, don’t try to copy other people’s ice breaker messages. It’s important to show some flair and personality, so write something original and tell him about yourself. That’s right, apart from just commenting on what his profile says, give him a few more details about your life so that he can understand what you’re like as a person. Also, little things like spelling and punctuation are important to get right. Just like how you wouldn’t hand in a CV with a bunch of typos on it, you want to put your best self forward and avoid being shot down by anyone who’s a stickler for good SPAG.
- Be brief: Writing the equivalent to Pride and Prejudice, or just your autobiography, is just too much investment at this early stage. A few lines should do the trick, and help to ensure that you look like someone who has a busy and full life rather than one too many hours to while away on the internet.
Still unconvinced? Then just remember that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. If he doesn’t reply, so what? If a guy can’t see how amazing you are, then he’s clearly not the right man for you. Feeling regret at what could have been is a lot of a heavier burden, than trying and failing.
Besides, he’s going to love you. So what are you waiting for? Fire him off a message, and let me know the good results!
[Image via benwilder]
