The beginning of a relationship is always tough: how do you know when to call, what to do next and if they’re into you? You don’t want to be drawing love hearts on your notepad at work, when they’re already scouring dating websites for their next date. So how do you tell if they want to see you again, if they care?
They say that actions speak louder than words, but you can learn a lot about your date’s feeling towards you by how they text. Here are my five top tips as to when it’s time to switch your relationship status back to ‘single’, because their SMS suggests they’re just not that into you.
- Taking ages to reply: Most of us have learnt that the whole ‘wait 2 days before you reply’ thing is a little out of date. What may have come across as simply ‘playing it cool’ in the eighties (and the days of the landline) now seems plain rude when instant messenging is all the rage. So if you always reply at the drop of the hat, yet your date takes a long time to respond, alarm bells should ring. Sure everyone gets ‘busy’, but let’s be honest — how long does it take to send a text? And I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s snuck my phone into my coat pocket to sneakily text on my bathroom break! If they’re into you, they will make the effort to maintain the momentum of the text conversation.
- Short SMS: If you send them a detailed debrief of your day (that’s almost Austen novel intricate) and you get back a three word response then this isn’t an equal relationship. People who care invest. They’ll give you their time, and by disclosing details about their lives, will let you into them. Someone who won’t write more than two words to you via text is unlikely to write you a love poem anytime soon.
- Not responding: One up on short responses is not responding at all. Keep the ratio of your texts one to one with theirs. Nothing will put someone off like textual harassment. Rather than forcing them to respond by sending another text all this does is emphasise that you’re more interested in them than they are in you. So play it cool until they get in touch.
- Familial phrases: Hot, passionate, romantic love is rarely accompanied by a ‘take care’. It is personal taste whether someone uses kisses or emoticons, but a transactional tone to messages isn’t usually a good sign. Nor are words or phrases that you’d use when saying goodbye to a distant friend, or chatting to your mother — ‘take care’, ‘it was nice meeting you’, ‘enjoy your career change this year’ or anything that sounds final is a red light to your romance carrying on.
- Too much love: The flipside of this is someone who instantly calls you ‘honey’, ‘babe’ or puts a million kisses on their first few messages. Sure, they could be really keen, but unfortunately there’s always that possibility that they don’t see you as a sexual interest at all. Often if we’re thinking about having a physical relationship with someone we’re a little more coy. Too much comfort and familiarity too early on may mean that you’re just a friend, not a lover, to them.
None of these SMS signs in isolation mean that your romance is over, but act like a good doctor. If there are lots of symptoms and they persist, prescribe yourself to get someone new who truly appreciates you.