Guest Contributor

Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, is a psychotherapist with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She teaches at Emory University and has been in the New York Times, Glamour and on CNN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information please visit

1. Stop whining

Lost and rotten relationships are last year’s mistakes now. You have or haven’t erred. Or the only thing you may have learned is who to avoid. It’s time to curb the learning curve and stop analyzing your love past. There is no need for review, regret, or remorse. You have amassed enough object lessons in 2011. It’s time to get going.

Place a moratorium on blame. Make a new year’s vow to set break time from the friends and family who help keep you mired in guilt and sorrow.

How terrible they were or pitiful you were is yesterday’s news. Re-injury by reliving your nightmares only gets in the way of your dreams.

And even more importantly cease fire on all negative self-talk. Your biggest enemy is you. Mental reviews may be your biggest problem. You are the ultimate captive audience the one from whom you can neither run nor hide.

2. De-clutter

You may not be in a relationship or dating a possible dream mate but at least you can be at the start — facing forward not backward or anchored in a go nowhere relationship. No baggage is a good beginning. So eliminate deadwood as a new year’s gift.

If the man of the moment is not someone you would marry or who would marry you (and, yes, you do know the difference), dump him now. You’ll be less depressed. Ask yourself “do I feel better about myself when I’m with him, is he _______ (your top 3 and only 3 requirements for a husband), and does he seem interested in marriage or at least on the path to eating out of your hand”?
If so, good – proceed.
If not please say goodbye.
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Online Dating: Home of the Little White Lie

by Guest Contributor on July 18, 2011

Yvie Thomas is behind BitterStilettos, where she blogs on tales of relationship woe to prevent ‘I told you so.’

Have you ever met a guy who lied on his online profile and hoped that you’d look past these lies and fall in love with him?

I was recently in such a situation with a man who, although kind, was just not man enough for me. And I don’t mean ‘man enough’ in the sense that he wasn’t beating his chest and readjusting his manly parts in public. ‘Man enough’ in this context means he could not live like an adult male should live… with the ability to take care of himself and not expect others (girlfriend and parents included) to take care of him just because they can.

The way this man lived his life reminded me of a teenager or a 20-year old boy. TURN OFF.

I had this huge fear that I would end up stuck in a miserable situation where I’m taking care of another grown man as if he’s my child -– a situation similar to the marriage I ended not so long ago.

You see, from my years of dating, and marrying, crappy men, I’ve come to the conclusion that men who lie when I meet them in person or online are not worth the time and effort it would take for me to get past those lies. And this one lied about everything from his height to his career to his education level. When I asked why he’d lied, he responded that he wasn’t getting the responses he wanted by telling the truth. (Methinks he should lower his standards…)

Everything I thought he was when we began dating was a lie.

Since he lied about his career, I assumed that he at least made enough to take care of himself. Once I opened up about the fact that I made more than double his salary, I was suddenly expected to pay for everything if it cost more than $10, including food, laundry, etc.

He depended on his father for money a little too much for comfort. Most women who are independent and take care of themselves want a man who can do the same and it was apparent that he was not that man.

Most importantly, at 38, he lacked drive and ambition. I certainly don’t think I’m the most ambitious woman out there, but I do think I deserve to find an equal and not a slacker who’s been at the same job for 4 years making a salary that could make him eligible for low income assistance.

Men like this are the reason why so many women hate online dating. If you have to lie about who you are to get the one you want, isn’t it possible that the two of you are just not suited for each other?

Am I still a proponent for online dating? Sure. Just make sure you have all the facts up front and keep an ear and eye out for those not-so-little white lies.